silly me, getting lost

I’ve been dating this boy since January. Everybody keeps asking for official notice. I tell everyone that it’s easy and I’m happy with it. I don’t see the need to rush defining our relationship.

I thought about it, but I wasn’t lying—all the same.

Earlier, my roommate told me I was glowing. Yesterday, I asked to pop one of his pimples. He’s twice tried to pick my nose. I hung up ten minutes ago and my cheeks stretch into dried salt. I think I just forced him to have a conversation about feelings, and he wasn’t for it.

Maybe I was too in my head. Maybe we couldn’t meet in the middle. I can’t tell.

He switched to Facetime and found me crying out of frustration. Not immediately, but his interest, his attention, his voice dulled soon after. He said he didn’t hear it. He’s an actor. He understands delivery.

I left the call and sobbed. Big sad.

Do I call him back? Do I let it sit? Do I take him at face value.

I think I need to know now.

/

I called him. So is everything. If I take him at face value, I am in my head right now–caught in the force of my own wake.

He promises.